MAgirl

Geminis Unite! Aka: Too many players...

2004-06-10T14:19:00.000-05:00

So I was hanging out with my fellow Gemini the other night. We were reflecting on our respective recent birthdays, and I pulled out a book which was given to me as a birthday present - ‘Magic for Lovers’. Contrary to the title, this book is more about astrology. We decided to look up what we, as Gemini ladies, were likely to need and to do in love...

Well, we are twins, and thus, we have a double personality - meaning that we can be childish, but we can also be the parent. We like to be carefree, creative, and always on the go, however we also really need stability and a partner who makes us feel secure... and then we learned ‘the Gemini woman can also be in love with two men at the same time’. Well, giddy-up, after a report from Global news saying women are just as likely as men to practice infidelity, I figured we were going right to hell!

And then she dropped it... my friend, the innocent of the innocent; a girl I always thought of as well behaved - something I aspired to; informed me that yes, indeed, she was in love with two men...

You think I was going to just sit there and say, ‘Swell’ and move on to other things? I demanded further details.

She has been seeing Patrick, a well established Public Servant who works as a Policy Maker. On paper, he is perfect: Stable, Romantic, Brilliant, - admittedly a Catholic, but lapsed - the kind of man every woman is looking for. We all see Patrick as the guy that my Gemini friend should settle down and make tonnes of babies with, and live in the swanky part of suburbia - you know the place where they are in denial that they live in suburbia.

All this time, we figured everything was swell. They are so sweet on each other and everything has been perfect - but she has been living this double life. She has also hooked up with a Fireman. Honestly, I can’t stop hearing the phrase ‘Can I show you my hose’ in my head every time I think of this! Apparently Fireman Rick is suave, perhaps a little undereducated for my friend, but apparently... HOT! Nice face, a butt that won’t quit, and an amazing lover. He is smooth and charming. He is like butter that just smooths on toast. When she is with him or hears his voice speak to her, she too becomes like butter, but melts quite quickly... and loses control.

So my friend has gotten herself the best of both worlds; Mr Reliable, and Mr Stud. Each man provides her with something the other can’t. She has stability and an stimulating conversation on one side, and then she is wooed and steamed up on the other... and she asks me what she is supposed to do about it.

Which one should she choose?

Which one is the better one for her?

My answer? I have no idea!

My only advice to her is sort it out, and sort it out quickly. Lives and feelings are at stake and someone is going to get hurt. Sure, right now, it feels like she has everything in these two men, but at a moments notice, she could have nothing. There is the saying ‘it is better to have loved and lost, rather than to have never loved at all’, but it is also possible to love too much and too many at once! Decisions are hard, my friend. Step up the plate; be the confident woman you are; and make a decision. Right now you have too many players on the field!

At a crossroads...

2004-06-09T09:39:00.000-05:00

Yup. This is the part of ones life that every young woman wants to arrive at, and when it comes, it is the most terrifying thing in the world: the crossroads.

I have finally been able to earn the affections of a man I have adored for many years, and he wants to be in a committed relationship and make a life with me. This is something I have been waiting to hear for so long and it is music to my ears. What is the downfall you ask? Well, he lives 4 hours away, in the big city, and I live here in a town that likes to think it is a big city.

The simple answer would be to move and set up house. However, even though we have known each other for so long, we are at the beginning of our relationship. We are still new to each other and have a lot of discovering to do. Thus, unlike J-Lo, I am not going to marry this man less than six months later... Also, after three long years of struggling to make a career and a life here, I have a home, and, all of a sudden, a bunch of career options that were never presented to me before - but that I have always wanted.

So, I stay here, working on the long distance relationship, fearing that I am making a life for myself here that I will have to abandon at some point. I feel torn; caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to be independent and support myself, and here I am doing that. And at the same time I want to be in an established relationship with a man who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.

What is the answer? I don’t know. What am I going to do? I don’t know. What am I likely to do. Sabotage my relationship. Why would I do this? Then I can blame myself for the failure of the relationship, and not have to make an actual decision... Do I actually want to do this? No, not particularly.

Bottom line ladies: I am newly 29, I’m finally getting established, and I am pretty sure I am in love... and yet I am scared beyond belief...

I’ve heard other women talking about balancing their relationships and their careers, and I’ve always thought, well, that is their problem. I’m working for me. It is all about me. I’m not worried about balancing the two. Now I am totally worried about balancing the two.

I’ve finally got it all, and I have no idea what to do about it...

Memo to the high maintenance ladies:

2004-04-01T11:33:00.000-06:00

Dear High Maintenance ladies,

You are probably asking why I am addressing you in this fashion, rather than what I really would like to refer to you as (`crazy ladies). I am writing to enquire a number of questions: How do you attract such lovely men? How do you keep said lovely men for so long, when you do not deserve their fine company? And lastly, why do you seem to destroy these said fine men for future relationships with us lovely – and relatively normal women?

Now, I am sure you are only able to pull out of these questions, an accusatory tone, but I disagree. I ask these questions in earnest. Lately, when I come across very kind and attractive men and I enquire about a date, they are interested, but I am quickly informed that they just got out of a difficult relationship and they need to recover. Now, the average sceptical woman – of which I am one – would see these comments as excuses, and consider moving on to a man who is willing to consider the bigger picture including a lengthy relationship. However, in many cases, I enquired and dove a little deeper into the male psyche. I built up trust with these lovely gentlemen, and with a great deal of patience and understanding, and they began to tell me of their plight. And I am shocked to hear what these men have put up with.

I am left, astonished with the reckless and inane behaviour of those who share my sex. Vulgar rants, swearing in front of children, drinking till one passes out, physical abuse and emotional abuse, bullying – the list goes on. And then, when these men can not take it anymore, you hit out at them again with phone calls in the middle of the night banning them from mutual local hang outs. You call their friends and family, trashing the man who loved you and your faults for long enough.

This behaviour is unacceptable in a normal setting, but now, you are offending me, and women I have spoken to about the ‘baggage of the ex’. Here we are meeting these gentlemen and offering our support and, hopefully, our love and intimacy, and yet we are held back from what we want because you have come before us and damaged them.

So, I refuse to criticize you anymore. I want to know how you do it? How do you draw these men into your web and keep them there for so long? I ask, because I know I have much to offer. My friends and I are just looking for pointers on how to retain these men. You have already done some training and broken them. We need pointers, so we have enough time and ingenuity to show them how great we are and what we can offer them, and show them that a relationship can be a good thing. That a relationship means equality, trust, support, and of course bloody great sex.

Can we handle being criticized?

2004-01-16T00:05:00.000-06:00

I have to wonder if we really are our own worst critic. I mean we can stare at a blemish for hours, or that little begining of a love handle and see it as the end of the world, but we still can live with ourselves and learn to accept ourselves - most of the time. Sure there are times when we disappoint ourselves, not getting the highest score on the exam, not getting the job that we wanted, the salary we hoped for, or the life that we expected to have by this point in our lives. And yet, we learn to adapt, and except ourselves as who we are. Sure, we want to improve on our weaknesses, but we still manage to accept them.

And then we meet people who can tear our own self-worth down in three words -maybe more, maybe less - but they have that effect. They can be enemies, loved ones, family, whatever. They could mean nothing to us, or they could mean the world to us, and yet when they judge us, it could feel like the worst thing to happen to us.

One friend of mine - who was used to being adored and appreciated, and yet would get bored easily with her admirers - had a boyfriend who was insecure. He regularly would put her down, and yet she was able to chalk his comments up to his insecurities, and though his words did have an effect, her inner strength would always pull through and she would know that she was good and worth it. The relationship did not last, and though, at first, it felt like the end of the world when it ended, she knew she was stronger than that and lucky to be back on her own and in control. She dated distant men who did not seem to intimidate or found her a little intimidating, but the relationships were distant and comfortable. One would say, they were safe.

Then she met the next man who would be the serious one in her life again, make her part of 'a couple','a twosome', etc. This was good. She liked being in a relationship, and she felt that this man would not be intimidated and put her down out of insecurity, and yet it seemed his strength was his judgment. His weakness was that he would cast judgment... on her. He didn't mean any harm in it. Just pointing out the obvious - she would feel on show when in public, no mater her áaudience' and would entertain the crowd. He pointed out that she did not have to entertain everyone. That not everyone had to like her, enjoy her company. That she could just blend in, etc.''

She was used to being on show. Making sure she was worth being with. She was used to being told she was stupid, and lazy, and plain, when she was younger. She refused to be called or judged like that again. But how could she say that without judging him back, upsetting him, or exposing more of herself and her emotions - that could be a sign of her weaknesses, and she couldn't have that.

What she did next, I am not too sure. I'm not even sure if she ever rectified the problem. But the bottom line is this: we are close to being our own worst critics, though, on the other hand we are our own best protectors and deflectors. We know our own weaknesses, but we learn to accept them and manage to work with them. When people put us down, whether they know it or not, for the first little bit, we hurt, but then we get angry. We admit, sure that is a problem, but it is part of the package, and if you don't like the package, then get out of the game and find something you can handle. I am a great woman with allot of strengths and so much to offer. The best thing I ever heard about love was 'You like them because, you love them although'. If these people can not love you, appreciate you, take you as you are, they do not deserve your company and you know what you need to do. You either need to stand firm, and know you are who you are. Tell them, this is how it is. Sure you will grow up, you will mellow, but the fundamentals are the same. If they can't handle it, then you will find someone who adores it.

Meanwhile, love yourself. You may think you are too fat, too thin, too unemployed, too overworked, too easily manipulated, to forceful, whatever. You are you, and you are the full package. Take it or leave it. People are lucky you allow them to be part of your life, whether they are smart enough to figure that out or not.

Why do we have such a hard time communicating what we want?

2004-01-12T16:39:00.000-06:00

I just recently spoke to a girlfriend of mine who has finally relaized what she wants – she wants to get married and commit. Now this is a young woman who is beautiful, talented, intelligent, amusing and lovely, and who is establishing her career and setting her own goals. She is in a relationship where she is much loved. Her partner asked her what she wanted, and she was unable to communicate her feelings and emotions into words.

Why is it that we have such a hard time saying what it is we want in a relationship? I know in my own relationships, I have always been afraid to state what I want, even when I am asked. Even though you trust this person with your life, your heart and your affections, you can’t seem to ask them for more. Why? Are we really that afraid? Does our pride allow us to place our desires in the backseat because we are afraid to get hurt?

The other night, my relationship/partnership/whatever was first introduced to the outside world. Before going to the party, I was afraid to ask whether we were to be out and about as a couple. I couldn’t do it. When we knew I was going to be late, he chose to go to the party on time, and I would follow later with a friend who was also to be late. I took this as my first sign that we are not out as a couple. Did I ask for verbal confirmation of this? No, of course not. Hours before the party, my partner contacted me and enquired if he could buy a card for the birthday girl from both of us. Wait a minute, is this not a couple thing? Did I ask him if it was a couple thing? No. I just went along and said sure, but did make sure I asked no questions about the relevance of the co-card…

So, arriving at the party that evening, I still was in the dark as to whether anyone was allowed to know that we were together. I later discovered the answer was yes. Great. I was then left wondering, were we allowed to have public displays of affection? A hand-holding here, a peck-on-the-cheek there? I had no idea, and was terrified to attempt anything. I remained in my corner, drank martinis, and flirted with my safe-to-flirt-with-guy-friend. Why? I wanted to show affection, but I was afraid of being scorned in public by the person I wanted to be affectionate with.

Well, this caused annoyence, and when we left the party, I was informed my actions were uncalled for. If I was to show affection, I was to show them towards him, and no one else. Fair enough, I said, ‘I am sorry’. Luckily, a little Dutch Courage allowed to express my anxieties and paranoia, so he understood where I was coming from. Admittedly, my actions were silly and childish, and they enabled me to feel even more foolish than if I had just asked where we stood…

What have I learned? We have got to trust ourselves, and our partners, with our feelings. We are allowed to want things and to ask, kindly and politely, for what we want and where we stand. The question is, are we brave enough? Me? I’m not sure, but I am sure my friend is, and she will find the strength to ask for what she really wants for her life.

Letters to the past....

2004-01-03T16:02:00.000-06:00

Ah, the end of the past year and the beginning of a new year… Makes me think of the men I’ve seen this year, and so I have decided that I would compose letters to each of the men who have passed through my life last year… If you would like to use any of the following tributes in any ‘Dear John’ letters, I will not enforce copyright laws on you!

The Ex:

Wow. What a ride. I tried to help you and give you my all and then some, and it got thrown back in my face. I don’t blame you for any of this. It has been a difficult time for you, and though you have done very little to take care of yourself, I can’t blame you for just not having the strength you needed to see the future. I tried to give you that strength, but I gave you too much and didn’t leave enough for myself.

It almost ruined me, but I have grown stronger from the experience. I would have to say, with no regrets, that loving you was a great learning experience. I’ve learned that I have got to receive as much as I put into a relationship, otherwise I will loose myself. I’ve learned that relationships have got to be a two way street with partners who are willing to share the tough times and the burdens, but also accept the responsibility to work on helping the other person to be happy and fulfilled. This is not an easy task, but I’ve realised it is one of the most satisfying rewards of a relationship.

I hope that one day we can be friends. We worked so hard to be confidants. It would be a waste to loose what we have accomplished.

x.

The Mountie:

Ah… I guess I will give this as much thought as you gave to the return call you promised me…. Happy Trails….

x.

The Lawyer:

I’ve adored you since the first time I saw you. I am so proud that you have gained more self-confidence and that you have established your career. However, I am left worrying about you. You need to take better care of yourself. If I even fathomed trying to help you sort yourself out, you would only grow to resent me, and I would grow to resent myself acting like your mother. You need time to sort yourself out and when you have done that, then perhaps then, we could establish a relationship on equal footing and mutual respect. Meanwhile, we will remain friends, but nothing more at this time.

x.

The Constable:

I have a theory that as we get older, we retain more baggage and trust ourselves and possible partners in love even less. It feels that you are not ready for a relationship and be willing to let me in to your life. I’m not asking for long term commitment, just the regular viewing of you and perhaps a little initiative to see me. I guess the bottom line is that my ego can not continue to secure your time and your interest, when I have little to no initative from you. I appreciate you making time for me when I ask, but it would be nice to have you ask me out - from time to time. Meanwhile, I’m giving you your space, and perhaps if you can figure out what it is you want, then do let me know. What I want is someone who thinks about me and wants to see me. I want someone to call me and tell me that they need to see me, not just trying to fit me in. I will find it. And I will be patient in seeking out what it is that I need.

x.

The Stockbroker:

Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t think I have ever been so bored in my life, or so shocked by someone’s lameness. You are thirty going on 16. Good luck with that. Meanwhile, I am not going to waste more than the 7 hours I provided you to prove your worth. I know I sound hard and terrible, but it was seven hours wasted, by my calculations.

We are just friends... right?

2003-11-18T21:55:00.000-06:00

My friend Maya has some amazing men in her life. They are of all ages, different backgrounds, differing opinions and she loves to spend time with them. However, she is beginning to fear there may be one who is interested in more than friendship. This is not to say that Maya is some sort of sex-pot who the men are fawning over - Like Marilyn Monroe. She is an average girl, with a sparkling personality and an engaging laugh. However, recently she is sensing that the hello hug and the kiss on the cheek good-byes - warranted to all her good friends – could be taken a little more litterally than they should.

I recall once being yelled at by a group of girlfriends for having one of my male friends, who I had been golfing with, over after for a home-cooked meal and martinis (my specialty). To make the situation worse, part of my nightly routine is to light a candle to relax. This night, inparticular, I followed my regular routine, much to my girlfriends’ chagrin. They pointed out to me that making a ‘homecooked’ dinner, preparing cocktails and lighting a candle, were all date actions. I was accused of leading my poor male friend on. I countered that I would do the same for family and friends, no matter what their sex. Well, apparently I was being naive.

Do we need to clarify that spending time with a friend of the opposite sex, one-on-one, does not have to mean more?

Is the line from When Harry Met Sally true? Can men and women not be friends?

I decided to take a poll.

One female friend said yes, that men and women could be friends, but then she realized that somewhere along the line, she had bedded almost 95% of her good male friends. A great start to my polling.....

Wait, it gets better, a female collegue told me, sure they could be friends, but ‘They just have to have sex first.’ I started to realize I really needed to consult with some of my male friends for an opinion.

My favorite comment from one gentleman, that it was indeed possible, that it was just ‘Mind over Matress’… funny guy…

The gentlemen seemed to have it sorted. They are convinced that it is indeed possible. That of course there would always be the trappings of biology, and that it could cause complication for many friendships, however ‘just because you want to make love to your friend, doesn’t mean you have too.’ These friends just need to manouvre around the tension or face it head on and discuss…. I guess like that Friends episode when Joey tells Rachel he is in love with her.

One wise male friend wrote that a friendship between a man and a woman is like any relationship, you need respect and trust. Perhaps Maya will be brave and realize she has this with her friend and speak to him about it. There is no real need to side-step the issue, just deal with it and move on. If the friendship is strong enough, any hurdle can be overcome.

Meanwhile, I leave you with one last thought from my friend Nana, ‘Yes, men and women can just be friends. But they have to get over the attraction hurdle first. All of the really really good male friends I have, I was attracted to in the past or still find attractive (but wouldn't necessarily want to be with) now. It works better, actually, if you have a romantic moment, get over it, and then start being friends for real because the air is cleared. ….Anyway, I like having male friends because who the hell is going to go to action movies with me?’

My addiction to this song......

2003-11-10T21:14:00.000-06:00

I’m sorry it’s been a while, but I’ve been trying to put together my next Blog entry, and it is not coming together easily…. Meanwhile, bear with me and perhaps appreciate the words of Joni Mitchell’s song ‘Both Sides Now’ (2002). Lately, this song has been speaking to me, due to its words and beautiful melancholy melody….. I promise to have something a bit more upbeat in a bit…. Meanwhile, enjoy the prose of Joni…..

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere,
I've looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun,
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels,
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real,
I've looked at love that way.

But now it's just another show,
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know,
Don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud,
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way.

Oh but now old friends they're acting strange,
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Ode to Guy Fawkes and Shelia Copps…

2003-11-05T19:57:00.000-06:00

So, here we were, my friend Josh and I were siting on the floor of my condo enjoying some fine chinese take out when we noticed several firetrucks passing by throughout the night. I looked out the window and then turned to Josh as said ‘What is this? Is it Bonfire Night or something?’

Apparently, I had guessed right and after checking the internet, we discovered that for or almost 400 years, bonfires have burned on November 5th to mark the failed Gunpowder Plot.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
Gunpowder treason and plot.
We see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!

Now, I had to remember back to the Bonfire night I attended in Hastings during the year of Mad Cow hiting the UK. I thought, sure, we could burn a cow in ode to our own mad cow scare this past year, but better yet, we should recognize the achievements of Madame Sheila Copps who refused to go down without a fight in the Liberal Leadership race. So, we went to the web, found a picture, printed it off – in colour! – and burned it in a pot while toasting the hutzpah of the Minister of Culture.
God bless, Good Luck, and God speed Sheila. May your next race be tangible.

Cheers!

The Baggage of the ‘Ex’

2003-11-05T16:07:00.000-06:00

Last night, while chatting with my Ex-boyfriend online, he wrote me: “I was wearing your underwear the other weekend...”

Now, this was a pair of underwear that I had left at his house for emergencies - when I was visiting him from out of town. When we broke up, they were left behind, unclaimed, and, apparently, remained in his bottom drawer until he chose to wear them under his Halloween Costume - Guy in Drag. Apparently, he could not wear his usual underwear of boxers under a slip dress, so opted to wear mine instead - “to avoid panty lines...”.

The thing is, my Ex has a new girlfriend. So ‘Why are you wearing my pants, and not borrowing hers?’ And secondly, ‘we’ve been broken up since July - why do you still have my bloody pants?’

When a relationship ends, doesn’t a person clear themselves of the belongings left behind?

I thought so. I thought boxes of stuff are exchanged and people move on. But when I got into the office this morning, one of my friend, Carin, informed me she had had a mini-meltdown the night before - due to a ghost of relationships past. During a period of time when she and her boyfriend had broken up, he started seeing someone else. When the original couple decided to get back together, the new girlfriend was dismissed. However, she was not going to be easily passed over and thus kept on calling, even after the reunited couple had moved in together. So last night, while her boyfriend was at work and she couldn’t sleep, Carin riffled through his filing cabinet, shredding everything having to do with this woman. Even though they had moved on, the Ex was still in the picture. Carin could not get past the idea that there had been another woman in the fold, and she wasn’t easily shaken off.

So now I wonder: Am I the Ex that every woman fears?

I am still in contact with my Ex - whether his girlfriend knows of it or not - and he is out on the town in my panties. Do I put the new girlfriend in the position of feeling part of a threesome? Is the ghost of me (and my actual pants) causing this woman heartache and feeling need to fight to hold on to her man?

What is the moral of this story? I have no idea. Hopefully, soon, Carin will be able to rest easy knowing her partner has chosen her, and the other woman will move on. Meanwhile, I should probably distance myself from my Ex, but not before I request the return of my underwear.....

The Stigma of Shooting….

2003-11-01T13:14:00.000-06:00

We often mock those who hunt or practice shooting for fun. I know often enough, I walk into LeBarons and gag over the terrible camouflage jackets and pants. I wince when I witness old men with ‘trucker hats’ strut around on TV with their riffles, and yet when I watch an episode of ALIAS on TV or see Demi Moore put on army fatigues, I’m grinning and salivating at the idea of anti-girly woman.

So, when I had the opportunity to go out to a shooting range the over weekend, I jumped at the chance. People who have known me for years, and witnessed my addiction to design on HGTV and an ever-growing collection of art history books, were a little surprised to hear that I was going to the Shooting range. I was excited. This - and the combination of my kickboxing - surely put me on my way to being ‘international spy girl’.

Of course, the night before my trip to the shooting range, I slept terribly. I began to think that I would be horrid with a riffle. I was seeing images of the riffle blasting back into my face… me, shooting the range warden in the arse… flashes of gory ‘Band of Brothers’ scenes -where often, someone was getting shot in the arse!

Morning came, and I jumped in the car of my instructor, and talked up a storm trying desperately to avoid any reference to my growing fear of guns. When we finally arrived at the Shooting Range, I was terrified. With a smiling face, I winced and jumped every-time I heard a shot ring through the air. I pondered how embarrassed my instructor and fellow student would be if I took my earplugs, my coffee and my ego and hide in the car, hoping that the walls of the old VW would protect me from the noise of the firing.

It was time. My instructor looked me in the face and asked ‘are you ready?’. I wanted to run down the street yelling ‘NNNNooooo waaayyyy iinnnnn Hellllllll!’ but I just looked back at him and said ‘Uh huh’. The riffle was set up, I was required to sit down and hold the gun in the correct fashion after being shown how to load the bullets. Here I was, holding this weapon of minor mass destruction, terrified if my face would bruise from the recoil. I was asked to line up the target – wait…. Where the Hell was the target. I couldn’t bloody shoot something if all I could see was blue sky… oh, there was my target. Crap, now I had to pull the trigger… and I did. The riffle jumped back a little (or was that me) but I was ok. I looked through the optics and realized I wasn’t a bad shot.

I then started using phrases like ‘look at my grouping!’ and wanted to chase the old range warden – who eerily looked like my grandfather – showing him what a great shot I was. I became hooked. I started plugging those targets full of lead, and I felt liberated, free, and confident, like ‘spy girl’.

I then moved on to skeet shooting with Shotgun – a bloody heavy device for a girl to lift up and aim – yet, I began to loose the ‘spy girl’ feeling, and take on a HRH feel. Tie my hair back in a Hermes scarf and have a couple of corgies running around my feet, and I was in the middle of blinking Balmoral!

After two impressive ‘for a beginner’ rounds of skeet, we were back in the car and heading into town. I had survived my day of shooting and lived. No bruises, no injuries, no-one’s arses blown to bits…. It was a good day. I think I will even return to the range some day soon. I wouldn’t say I’m a gun toting mama, or anything, but I actually enjoyed myself, learned a new skill, and gained an appreciation for the sport. Now I’m not running out to gain membership to the NRA, or buying camouflage for my next hunting trip, but I understand why some enjoy the sport – not for killing, maiming, or threatening anyone, but just for the pleasure of firing a good grouping or being able to hit the skeet. I need to get me a Hermes scarf…

The Horror of writing my first book review….

2003-10-22T11:14:00.000-05:00

As a young professional struggling to make a name for herself, when the opportunity to write a book review for a national professional magazine arrived, I jumped at the chance. Previously, I had always been passed over to review the books that I desperately wanted to read and was just waiting, with bated breath, to write a review for the enjoyment of my peers and possible future employers.

So with joy in my heart, I accepted the responsibility to read a book whose author I respected, whilst knowing little of his oeuvre, and a topic that caused my salivating just at the very thought of it. The junior editor of the magazine informed me at the end of August, I had two months to write 200-300 words on the tome. This would be no problem! I would have the book finished in a week and the written word completed in a fortnight! Ah... famous last words…

Arriving close to the due date, I was no further than 66 pages into a volume of 666 pages (the total number of pages should have been warning enough). I realized that the completion of this review would be no small feat. While on the bus, staring mindlessly out the window was much more satisfying than pulling the book out of my purse. At night, I found trying it on as a bedtime read would only cause the side effect of deep sleep. This albatross was weighing so heavily in my purse, I felt my shoulder beginning to bruise and my spirits beginning to dampen.

Meeting for coffee with my mentor, one day, I expressed my concern that this book was slowly killing me and I had no idea how I would write a complementary review for a book I was learning to despise. I was warned as a lowly owner of an MA, I could expect to be shunned by the PhD’s of the world if I thought to write ill of the musings of one of their own. It seemed that defeat was upon me.

I then decided, whilst finding the florid writings bothersome, the topic of the book still intrigued me. I would not let the scholarly, highly academic writings of a possibly egomaniacal PhD deter me from enjoying the subject of the book. I would not hold it against this person that the world of academia expected this book to be written with an air of tediousness. I would truck through, skip the references to philosophies that mattered little to me - and my up to 300 words - and write the best review I possibly could without causing embarrassment to myself, the magazine, and the author.

So I did it. I wrote it, edited it, and sent the review through cyberspace to the editor, who will likely place it in the back pages where readers - who actually read to the end of the magazine - will almost certainly glaze over the words. But, just maybe, maybe they will notice the name of the reviewer and be impressed…

As for reviews, here is what some of you have already commented on my ranting so far!

“What a pleasant surprise. Your writing is very nice; measured, while streaming, with a very discernible metre. I enjoyed reading the controlled rant- as I said, an often undervalued form of expression.”

“...this is good shit. You may have found a little career of satirical literature to the women of your generation.”

“I like the site! I'll forward it to my friends...”

“Wow... you are a good writer!!!”

Comments?

2003-10-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Hello Folks,

If you have comments, please do not hesitate to email me at my new email address:
MAgirl75@hotmail.com

An Appreciation for the Law...

2003-10-20T16:36:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time I was required to attend an event of some stature where our Queen’s Cowboys were required to attend in their scarlets. During the event, one Dudley-do-Right, being very handsome and confident, strides over to me and admits having to be part of the dog and pony show. When I enquired ‘what animal are you?’, I was informed, while witnessing a very large grin,‘Oh, I am a pony...”. Not usually one to go gaga over a man in uniform, I was somehow drawn to the idea of running into the sunset with this Scarlet dressed pony, so when the pony stated that he was often in my town (out of town Pony), I innocently gave him my card.

Admittedly, already in a relationship, I felt I wanted to see Do-Right again. However, every time Dudley called (four or five times), I would say ‘give me a call when you get into town’, and every time he got into town, I made excuses not to see him. Finally, one day, Dudley stopped calling. I figured, oh well, at least I can say I let the Pony get away...

A year later - out of the blue - Dudley calls to say he is in town and thought he would try his luck at calling again. This time, I am single and happy to run with the....pony. We decided to have drinks at my place and chat it up. There was attraction - some would say “Chemistry”. I am usually one to tell when things are going well - or aren’t - and I felt this was going very well. At the end of the night, Dudley gave me a kiss and said “I’ll call you tomorrow”.

Not to bee that annoying clingy girl that every man fears, I side stepped with the pony and said “When you have time, you call!”. He responded that he would call before he left town. Two weeks later, the pony hasn’t figured out how to use the phone...

You are probably thinking, "just get over it!", but when told I will be called, I have always had a call. It is called respect. And frankly, if I recall correctly, according to the values of the Queen’s Cowboys, the second component of their accountability is “the obligation to provide information to others ... with respect to our decisions, actions and results in light of clear, previously agreed upon understandings and expectations.”

Now, the website offers a fine example of this, but I think mine is better. If Dudley says he is going to call, he should call. As a young woman, I want to believe in the ideals of our Country’s most notable cowboys, but when a pony who is to be “truthful in character and behaviour” lets you down, you are not sure whether you will trust that cheeky little Shetland again.

I remember, as a child, I once wanted to join the Musical Ride, but then I learned that my horse bored easily during the dressage routine, and would even fall asleep while we practised. I realized, I too, was bored. So I choose now as I chose then: I pass on the musical ride, I’m jumping the fence.

Property or no property… That is the question?

2003-10-17T13:00:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention, as a recent first time home-buyer, that young women throughout Ottawa are buying themselves homes…. Alone. I, too, am one of the many single girls buying property to build some equity for myself. But what I wasn’t thinking aloud – or was I in denial? – was what my girlfriend voiced to me when she was closing on her first home purchase – also on her own, “Does my owning a house make me look like I’ve given up on a relationship? Will this be intimidating to the men I will meet in the future?”

I then began to live through that scene in Sex in the City when Miranda is buying herself an apartment in NYC. She repeatedly has to say “it’s just me!” to the mortgage officer, the estate agent, the lawyer, etc. Here I was, signing my name – alone – just me – on legal and binding documents. Meanwhile, my Lawyer – and nearby, my father, are discussing if an undesirable young man would come into the picture, what sort of tenancy agreement would have to drawn up so I would not loose my home to said young undesirable young man. Earlier, my real estate agent commented that I would only likely be in my apartment for a short time because I would “meet somebody and need a bigger place”, so apparently my Lawyer, my father and my estate agent are convinced this is not the end of the line for me.

I thought I would ask some of my male friends what they thought about women owning their own property, and many - if not all - were impressed. I am sure there will be the few who are intimidated by a woman who holds all her own cards, but then, who needs them?
Meanwhile, a coworker recently got engaged and took his fiance home to Nova Scotia to introduce her to friends and family. When one friend got wind that the fiancé had her own home, the comment was “A good looking woman who owns property wants to settle with you! That is the Maritime man’s dream come true”. So I guess we are going to be alright. And if worse comes to worse, we can all move to Halifax where the men will line up.

Meanwhile, I sit here on my couch, the Stereotypical single girl with her cat, and I survey what is mine. I am officially queen of my domain - and if you are lucky, you may receive an invitation to come on my property...